Sharing Is Caring

 Relationships, at times, can seem impossible to figure out - but the truth is - a healthy relationship is about understanding each other and identifying what keeps you stuck​ in the same relationship patterns.

We all have an inbuilt need to connect and this drives us in our relationships.  Perhaps you feel disconnected from your partner, you don’t feel listened to or loved?   Maybe you criticise each other and complain in order to get a response. How does this impact your relationship?  It can be a vicious cycle where couples unknowingly are actively pushing each other away.

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Reconnecting with your partner may feel out of your comfort zone. If you reach for your partner how will they respond? Will they reject you? Does it show weakness to need someone? Past experiences will influence your actions. If you've been rejected before you'll have adapted your behaviour to keep safe. Maybe you feel it’s their turn to make the first move.

There's a huge emphasis on communication in relationships, but the ability to talk and listen is often easier said than done.  Perhaps you feel that you're right and they're wrong. Your hopes and expectations have not been fulfilled.

We all have different expectations, so what’s important to you, might not be important to your partner. Gary Chapman’s book ‘5 love languages’ Chapman, G. (2016) talks about the importance of finding out your love language. It’s also important to explore what feels bad or to let your partner know how you feel in certain situations/interactions - your partner is probably totally unaware of the impact on you.  If you can gain more understanding for each other, you can learn how to connect, have better relationships and better sex.

There's scientific evidence that shows physical contact such as - hugging and holding hands with someone you feel connected to decreases anxiety (Vardan, 2016).  The chances are you would just like that good feeling that comes from being in a loving and accepting relationship.

If you're in a controlling/abusive relationship there's support available. Maybe you feel you don’t have any choice, you have to stay. Maybe abusive relationships feel normal because they're familiar due to childhood/previous experience.

​5 Love Languages:  1. Words of affirmation 2. Quality time 3. Receiving gifts 4. Acts of service 5. Physical touch (focusonthefamily.com)

References:

Iceeft, (2007). The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy {online} Available at: http://www.iceeft.com Accessed March 2016

Chapman, G. (2016) The 5 Love Languages {online} Available at www.5lovelanguages.com​ Accessed: Dec 2016

Vardan, (2016) Hugging someone for 20 seconds [online] Available at: www.thecrazyfacts.com Accessed: Dec 2016.

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