Sharing Is Caring


You may have heard the lyrics - ‘I love all your perfect imperfections’ from the John Legend song ‘All of me’, he wrote the song for his wife and he's talking about unconditional love - we could all use a little more of this and in fact it's one of our basic needs.

In the lyrics, he describes his wife as being crazy and him being out of his mind! But he still wants all of her and to give all of him - including imperfections.  Have you ever desired this kind of love, where you can just be you and that's enough?  Read more about being all of you in my blog  Counselling: The First step to finding your own authenticity

Maybe the thought of you being loved regardless of achievement, status, job or how many facebook likes you have seems alien to you and you're not alone in that.  Nothing wrong with facebook likes by the way, it's great to connect with people through social media - but maybe you value yourself depending on other people's opinions.  It’s understandable to try and be liked either at work, in relationships or in everything you do.


The belief is - the better you perform, the chance of being criticised and not accepted decrease - thus increasing your chances of love and respect.

The problem with this kind of approval is that it relies on other peoples’ evaluation of you.  If they have a pattern of criticising then that's what they'll do; they'll automatically pick out weaknesses and ignore strengths.  Maybe you are your own worst critic?

Is it ok to make a mistake whilst you're learning? How would you develop and grow without making mistakes? Can you try new things or does the fear of being judged hold you back?

Let yourself off the perfection hook - after all, if you were perfect nobody would relate to you and vice versa. If you believed that you always said and did the ‘right thing’ at the ‘right time’ you wouldn't understand others - you'd wonder why can’t they just do this or say that?

You'd be disconnected from others and be judgemental towards them.

Our imperfections are what make us human, you might feel vulnerable admitting your imperfections - Brene Brown suggests that we can only experience love if we are prepared to be vulnerable.  Brene studies human connection, our ability to empathise, belong and love.

Vulnerability can be very difficult for some people so please don’t feel that you must be vulnerable. Talk about this with your counsellor in a safe and confidential environment if you would like to.

Most people don’t say ‘oh I love to be vulnerable!’

There can be many fears in being vulnerable - If I reach for that person how will they respond? Will they reject me or not listen to me?

Maybe you have lived for a long time with walls built around you and it feels too difficult to let people in.

You have coped by saying ‘I don’t need anyone, I can survive on my own'. There will be very valid reasons for this and I don’t underestimate the importance of those walls in helping to keep you feeling safe.

I'm not suggesting that you should be vulnerable with everybody - that, of course, wouldn’t be wise.

Perfection as we perceive it doesn’t exist, because we are living beings who are always developing and growing.

The ironic thing is when we are more accepting of ourselves, others become more accepting of us too.

As I have said before only YOU can be a first rate version of you.

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